THE REMNANTS OF MY LOVE

Gulabo! Gulabo! Come here....

Gulabo: Yes mam..

Me: Get the red file.It's in the cupboard.

Gulabo:Okay mam...


My cupboard used to be very untidy.Filled with piles of files,documents,papers everything related to my office work.I never got time to tide it up nor I said to any of the servants to do so.As they are important things,they can be careless.But after that car accident, my legs were hurt.So I had to take the help of Gulabo,my faithful servant.


Gulabo: Sorry mam! some letters and photographs fell down.

Me: No problem Gulabo. Pick them and keep it inside.

Gulabo: Okay..


While i was busy in my work,Gulabo was picking the letters and photographs and keeping inside the shelf.Once she just turned the photograph and said...


Gulabo: Mam! you are looking beautiful in this photo

Me: What do you mean Gulabo. Don't I look beautiful now..

Gulabo: Ofcorse mam! you do....Mam! who is this person with you...I've never seen this person before...

Me: What???..wait i'm coming...

Gulabo: No mam! it would hurt..let me come..

Me: Gulabo! let me be independent. Atleast let me roll my wheel chair by myself..

I was completely shocked when i saw the photo.It was like the world was paused for a moment..

Me: RRRRR...Rahul!!!!

Gulabo: Rahul?? Mam..who is this Rahul?

Me: Gulabo! will you please give me a minute

Gulabo: ahah...sure mam..i'll ready for the dinner


I couldn't just believe that i saw him again, in a photo...all the memories of the past were refreshened.That was the photo of us when we were on a trip to Kulu Manali. I met Rahul in Kulu and there the story begun.
It was about seven years back and I was 20 then.I went to Kulu Manali with my friends and I met Rahul there.Handsome,honest,intelligent and a very responsible person.These were the qualities I got to know about him.As time passed we were deeply in love each other..but one question of Rahul..it annoyed me and ruined everything..
***
Rahul: Sanjana! Don't you think we should give our relation a name??

Sanjana: What do u mean Rahul? we love each other.What else is needed.

Rahul: I mean...ahh...the marriage..i think we should get married.

Sanjana: What??

Rahul: Yes Sanju! I can't wait more..and anyways..we had to do this one day, why not now..

Sanjana: Have you lost it? I mean...i'm just 20..there are many ambitions..many dreams in my life..i'm not ready to become a bride and all...

Rahul: But Sanju..you can do this even after marriage..

Sanjana: Ya but....NO!! Rahul...and my dad is paying a lot for my studies..i always give first priority to studies.. dad sent me here in the hope that i wouldn't do anything wrong..coz he trusts on me

Rahul: Then what now?? You wanna say that everything is over??

Sanjana: Did I say that?? wait for some years..i would be completing my studies then and i'll tell about us to dad..

Rahul: Years?? What do you think of me Sanjana??..am i a toy for you?? Don't you care of my feelings?? my emotions??

Sanjana: As if you take care of everything.You are also not trying to understand me..i'm not ready for marraige and all...

Rahul: You should think about all this before loving me..

Sanjana: What do you mean..it was my wrong??

Rahul: No Sanju! it was my wrong to fall in love with you..and thankyou so much..it's not late though..
Goodbye Sanjana...our minds are incompatibe...let's finish all this here...

Sanjana: You just can't leave me like this...RAHUL! listen to me..RAHUL!! RAHUL!..

He suddenly disappeared and never returned....

***
As i was coming back to reality..i noticed burly tears on my cheeks...

I saw another photograph of us...with a small kid..

***

Rahul: Look Sanjana, he is so cute..

Sanjana: yeah! very sweet...let's capture this moment..

Rahul: But their parents...i think they would bother...

Sanjana: Why would they mind..okay before they see us...let's capture it......okay......say CHEESE!!!

***
Rahul likes kids a lot.He also told me about his charity.He impressed me with it..
While i was keeping all the photographs back in the shelf..i noticed some love letters which Rahul wrote for me...'Love' 'Care' 'Promises'...he wrote half of the letter related to that...I got to know that 'Writing on a paper' and 'Actually doing it in life' are both very different.

Times passed,but not the love which I had for him.I loved
him,love him and keep loving him till my last breath...though i passed on the marraige age...i wanted to live alone as it is impossible for me to think of someone else in my life.I was wondering...what is he doing now?? Does he still love me?? Did he marry someone else??..Is he there??

I didn't get any answers to my questions but I noticed his mobile number back of one of the photographs...and again a few questions...
Shall I dial??
Will he lift the phone??
Is this still his no.??
What will i say when he speaks??
My heat started beating fast when i dialed the no.

9440330394.....
tring..tring..tring.....Hello!!!

My breath stopped for a moment when i heard his voice.Same voice..sweet voice...

Rahul: Hello!! who is this??

Sanjana: aaah.....hhhellloo!!!!

Rahul: Hello...Who??

................................................

Rahul: Sanjana???

I felt like 'i never felt before' when i heard my name from him.

Sanjana: Rahul..

Rahul: Sanjana!!! Is it you?? My god!!! I just can't believe this

Sanjana: You still remember me...??

Rahul: Ya ofcorse...are you stupid?? Why would I forget you...


I was like in the seventh heaven when I got to know that he still remembers me...I just wanted to unhidden all the truth which i hid it from the world. I always used to be rude and rough to others..employees, servants, friends and family..for which iam all alone in this world...i was living in the dark till now...but no more...i just wanted him back in my life...i wanted to say sorry for all the mistakes i did...he just wanted to tie me in a beautiful relation ship...but I had been selfish and was thinking all about myself...Today I have everything..name,fame luxury..everything but not love..not Rahul...
Before I was going to reveal everything I heard someone's voice on the phone..
'Rahul..dinner is ready..come fastly...
Rahul felt a little bit uncomfortable with it an said in a slow voice..'Ya...iam coming'..

Sanjana: ammm...is she your mom??

Rahul : ahhhh....no...no...

Sanjana : Iam wondering who she is...

Rahul : ahhhh...Sssanjana....ssshe is my......my wife....Pooja..

A biggest shock I got in my life.It was like all the hopes had broken

Sanjana: Ohhh....wife....aah..good..great...

Rahul: We got married 3 years back...

Sanjana: Ohh....good (weeping)

Rahul : aahh..so..Sanjana...how are you??...Did you??

Sanjana: No Rahul, iam still single...

Rahul: What??..but why?

Sanjana: ahh...kk..I got to go...byee Rahul...miss you...lov------

I shut the phone before completing my line..

Rahul: Hello..sanjana??...are you there??...SANJU!!!!


My last hope, the last person in this world whom i care..i've lost him. Rahul is happy with his new family.But I...I have no one.But he did the right thing.We can get fame and luxuries anytime but once if you ignore your relationships...they won't come back.
A relationship is like a rubber band.You can stretch it as much as you want but when you leave it,it hurts a lot.
As I was wiping my tears, I saw Gulabo coming with the dinner plate..

Gulabo: Mam! the dinner..

Sanjana: Ya! Iam coming. And Gulabo..is there any festival tomorrow??

Gulabo: aaah...no mam..but why?

Sanjana: there isn't any?...no matter...inform all the servants the news that Sanjana Malhotra is giving everyone a week holiday.Would that be enough Gulabo??

Gulabo: (shocked..and dropped the dinner plate) whaaaaaaaat??

Sanjana: That would be little i guess...how about 3 weeks...??

Gulabo: Mam!! are you alright??

Sanjana: Ya..i'm completey alright dear...and about the holidays..ya iam serious about it.And gulabo!! Iam extremely sorry for not giving a single holiday for Dusherra.Tell that to everyone that iam sorry for it and these holidays.....think that iam paying back for what you've done to me these years..

Gulabo: (crying) Mam!!!

Sanjana: I know that iam new and strange today..but i learnt a lesson today Gulabo.And iam extremely sorry for all the rudeness which i showed to all of you...

Gulabo: No mam!! it's the god grace that we got a chance to serve you.

The servants who were hiding and listening to all the talk..were also completely shocked of the sudden change...

All: Sanjana jiii...live long!!....sanjana jii..live long..

I saw Rahul's photo and said in just one word..THANKYOU.....and rolled my wheel chair to the dinner table.

The Four Net Friends

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The scraps which everyone are allowed to read.....;)

RANDOM THOUGHTS. NOTHING CONNECTED WITH MY LIFE

It's been two months that i've been talking to him. A stranger before but a good friend now. Actually, i don't know anything about him except a few things like his name, location ,school, and his good friend Meena nd also a good friend of mine..hopefully!!
He lives is Colaaba, class 12th and just two mention iam of the same class. I was stuck with my pre-final exams then... so for two weeks, i was off from the net. But many times , i keep thinking about him. I've seen his photos.He looks very good. When he asks for my photos, i give excuses like, sorry!!..my sister warned me not to show photos...It's not in the pc, i'll scan and show them soon...
Though i know that i look good, i never felt comfortable to show him my pics...
Now as my excuses were taking a long period, he must be thinking that i don't look that good- i thought in that way.
I keep thinking about him often. Our talks, secrets, chit-chats, all were like plugged into my ears. In the last page of my note book i scribble, draw pictures, do my signature a 10 times, write my sister name and mine with sur names and sometimes write his name but to half Tan..and then i complete it with my name Tanya..only the 'may' was missing. Don't get puzzled too much, his name his Tanmay...
Don't know why but i feel very shy and afraid of even writing his name. Well...his name his already written in my heart. Keep thinking that...i'm i expecting too much from him?? from my life??...
But when it comes to studies, i keep 99.9% concentration only on it. That's only the good and the greatest point in me...guess so!!!

My exams were finally finished. I was feeling very happy as i will be getting the net and can talk to him. I rushed to my home. Went to my room, opened the pc, comforted myself in a chair and connected the broadband....

Dailing BSNL broadband....
I kept waiting, my heart was beating very fast,....oh! please god..please....

621 Error......


no!!!....please..what the hell??..can't be...for 2 weeks i was waiting....bloody crap!!!

I started scratching my head. Don't know what was the problem. Every wires were right. If loose, i tighted them again and again. I went runniing to my dad.. I was feeling very afraid because dad was always against me using the net. But luckily he was in a good mood..

Me: Daddy!.. the net is not connecting..

Dad: oh! did you put the wires correctly??

Me: Yes daddy, i did

Dad: Did you tighten the wires??

Me: Yes

Dad: Wait dear! it needs some time to connect, and how did you perform
in pre-final exams??
Now that was not the right question and not the right time.

Me: very well daddy! could you.....

Dad: Really??

Me: daddy! i'll tell you after i get the results. Now please come to my room and check theproblem..I beg of you
Dad: Wait for some time. I have to make an urgent call

Me: Daddy! please come.. it will take only a minute..please!..
Dad: Okay!..let's go..

Me: You are my best daddy, thanks!..did mom tell you that from right angle you look like Robert Pattinson......


So with great keen watch, checking again the wires, doing something magical and secretable, he CONNECTED IT!!!
Must say...he is very great. I never ask him how he did or what he did, as i had only with the matter that it got connected
So i went to the site, typed my id and password and clicked ENTER. Though slow but at last everything was alright. I was expecting scraps from him. I got a new add request, 'Hi! iam Tanmay's classmate'.
I didn't answer that, i went to watch my scrapbook, but there were none scraps from him. I just saw his 'bye' scrap when we talked two weeks back. I felt like a crap. Atleast he should have scrapped me, should have asked the reason why i wasn't online for weeks. Guess, i was expecting much from him. I went back and saw again the request..'Hi! iam Tanmay's classmate Sanjay..Randomly, i added him, saw his profile, he was also looking good. But i didn't care about it... i wanted to see Tanmay's scraps... he was chatting with Meena. I sent 'hi' to both of them. It had been 10 min that i scrapped but i didn't get reply from both of them. They were sending scraps to each other but didn't send me. I just thought 'Bloody Hell' and went back to my scrapbook. I saw sanjay's scrap just a minute ago...
Hi Tanya! how are you?I hate that question as everyone asks that...very common..just for timepass, i replied, 'ya! iam fine...what about you?
Sanjay: I'm fine too. So you're from?

Me: Bangalore! so you are Tanmay's classmate?
Sanjay: Ya! and Meena's too. I guess you are a very good friend of
Tanmay, right?

Me: What made you think so?

Sanjay: Just asking.. i see ur scraps often in his scrapbook.

Me: That's very bad! You shouldn't read other's scraps.

Sanjay: Hey! I don't read them. I just glance at them. Anyways!
everyone does read other's scraps.

Me: Ya! i should accept that :D
After 15 min of conversation, Meena sent a scrap.....
Meena: Hi Tanya, how are you??
I thought that what made her remind of me suddenly..??
Me: I'm fine...and you? How is your college life?

I waited for eight minutes, she didn't reply me...and then Tanmay scrapped..

Tanmay: Hi Tanya! How are you dear? didn't talk with you for a long
time..
I actually melt at his scraps.
Me: I'm fine dear. I was online from half an hour. But why didn't you reply??

Tanmay: Did you send a scrap?
Me: ya! ofcorse!
Tanmay: oh sorry Tanya!, i didn't notice your scrap. Actually i was talking to Meena....

Me: So????
Tanmay: What so Tanya? I told you once that i like Meena right? So i was talking to her. I am very happy Tanu.....
Now this definetly broke my heart. He mentioned once that he likes her, but i thought that he might be not so serious about it
Me: Oh!! I forgot!! So you are happy na....you happy...me happy..Talk to her...

Tanmay: She has gone, she told that she has to go to a party with her friends.

Me: Oh! You should have also gone with her....
Tanmay: ya! she asked me..but actually iam not in a mood to go out.

Me: Okay!!!

Tanmay: Anyways! bye Tanya...

Me: bye!!!

Now everything was clear like a crystal. Guess i have expected much from him. Between all this i didn't notice the scrap sent by Sanjay...17 min ago...

Sanjay: I've read your blog..simply to say i'm your great fan..i keep reading them..
That was very sweet one. I told about my blog to Tanmay but he never asked about it.

Me: Sorry to reply late...i'm glad that you liked it..and fan??what are you saying? i'm just an oky-doky blogger :D
In 0 mintues he replied....

Sanjay: No! i admire you..you are simply great..your recent story made me your fan...how come you be so imaginative?....imagination or..... ;)

Me: 100% imagination... i never felt anything like that in real...
Sanjay: hmmm...but i guess you have feelings for Tanmay....
I deleted the scrap the time i recieved it

Me: What??

Sanjay: I'm sorry Tanya! but actually i just wanted to advice you onething. Stop feeling for him or else it will hurt a lot..

Me: Why???

Sanjay: He's a very good friend of mine...but he loves Meena...

Me: ya! he told me that...But does Meena love him?
Sanjay: I don't know that..

Me: Leave the bloody hell! talk something else..

Sanjay: ya! even i wanted to say that..so, what do you aspire to become?

Me: a film director..

Sanjay: Hey!! me too... i knew you would choose something like that..

Me: That's great..so we can become gud competitors..right?

Sanjay: Maybe!! but your's will be the best..
I actually liked our conversation...it was like an elixer to my wound....
Sanjay: Hey Tanya!! sorry!! i have to go..byee!!...

Me: Okay!!....bye!!..
Within three weeks..me and Sanjay became good friends....

Sanjay: Hey!! can i ask your no.??
I was uncomfortable with that question..guess he knew that so he immediately sent another scrap after that..
Sanjay: Only SMS...i guarantee that...

Me: okay!..it's 9440330394....

Sanjay: Hey!! can i see ur photo?...just casually..
Tanmay also asked that question. But i don't know why..when it comes to showing photos..i always step -a-back...So i simply told just to get crap out of that...

Me: I don't look good...
Now any guy would definetly not ask after that...i guess guys like Tanmay would surely not even chat....

Sanjay: i don't care about it...i just want to see because you are my good friend......
I felt then good and an 100% belief that nothing would go wrong...so i mailed him my photos....after 5 min he replied...

Sanjay: What???

Me: Told naa...!! i don't look good..

Sanjay: I mean..what?? how?? How can a girl be so beautiful???

Me: Really??

Sanjay: ofcorse!!.... i like you even more now ;)
That was something very romantic to hear and that too from a good looking guy..

Me: I never felt that...
Sanjay: Trust me!! you are very cute.. if you would have shown your photo to tanmay earlier...Meena would definetly be out of his mind..she is nothing compared to you...
I felt like i was in the seventh heaven...in short i like Sanjay more than Tanmay...Sanjay was very sweet friend..Always we spend time together by chatting, playing online games...he actually looses to make me win...always replies in time and whenever i say a particular time to come online, he would be 10 min before...till now he never called me as he had to keep up his promise...so one day, i called him...

Sanjay: Hey!! Tanya!! your no. is flashing on the screen..is it you? i can't believe it? but you don't like to call naa? How?? Why??

Me: My god Sanjay!!...now tell me for which question i should answer..:D

Sanjay: oh sorry!! i'm completely shocked....

Me: Cool down!! to mention your voice is very matured and hot..;)

Sanjay: And your's is very sweet...
From then we talked often..sharing secrets, jokes, ideas, imaginations and suggestions for blogging...etc...
I saw a scrap of Tanmay which i didn't notice as i was talking to Sanjay...

Tanmay: Hi! how are you? actually you were right Tanya..you warned me to stay away from love..really...love hurts...I've heard that Meena loves someone else..she betrayed me..i've no friend...you are my only friend..
Again a scrap of Tanmay...
Tanmay: Are you there Tanya? Why do u talk much with Sanjay?? You are my friend naa..
It was everything clear that Tanmay was just using me...iam just a toy for timepassing...and throw off when mood's off...Now that Meena is not in his life,he realized, and remembered that he has a stupid friend who used to be mad of him, wasted her time thinking about him..to mention, these were all earlier and my past..i don't have any feelings for him now....so i scrapped back..

Me: sorry to reply late...iam talking to my close friend..and actually i was wrong..Love never hurts unless we choose a right person........iam saying all this because.....iam in........LOVE....:)